Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hardware store trauma

The other day something awful happened. Something that threatens the very lifeblood of my son's future masculinity.

There we were, browsing the aisles of Lowes. We had to get some painting supplies, and my wife wanted to look for a plant for the garden. But, truthfully, I like to wander in there every once in a while because I can't resist the smell of a big-box hardware store. A propane-fueled forklift, a stack of new 2x4's ... mmm.

Anyway, we were about to leave, and we were heading from the garden section to the checkout. On our way, we passed through one of the seasonal aisles near the front of the store where they are starting to get out their merchandise for Halloween. And that's when it happened.

Standing at the end of the aisle — looking harmless enough — was a little witch with a broom. Without regard to her presence, we continued past her. But she spotted us.

"Aah ha ha haa!" the witch let out a cruel cackle. Her eyes flashed red. She rocked back and forth. She stirred her sinister cauldren.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!" My son, terrified, let out a blood-curdling scream. And then another one. And another. The color drained from his face. Lowe's employees — certain that someone must have gotten sucked into the panel saw — came running. When the witch's evil display came to an end, my son stood there trembling.

My wife and I did our best to console him and assure him that the witch, a mere decoration, could harm him in no way. Still, the damage had been done. We paid for our supplies and left the store forthwith.

I only hope that the incident didn't ruin hardware stores for the boy forever


Not So Glamorous Housewife said...

HAHAHAHAHA! I still get the giggles. Poor little guy. Note to self, enroll in ballet when husband isn't looking.

shallu said...
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sweet bait said...



but really . awwww.

Janet said...

too funny! but seriously, I saw the same kind of thing happen last year at Michael's (though it's not a manly kind of store). a skeleton or zombie or some such thing that was motion activated scared a little girl to death. would have made me jump too had i passed it first. it was very loud. hope you're kiddo's okay.